Keanuthon

11:33pm – “The Devil’s Advocate,” 1997

“I don’t care how many years it has been since we’ve seen this. It is an unmitigated turd.” – Matt

OK, maybe that was a bit of an overstatement but only a very little bit. Everyone agrees “Bam Stroker’s Dracula” is far more of a turd. Just this one would be better if it were an hour & 45 minutes.

Recall Lomax. Lomax? Lomax? Are you there? Keanu in glasses, looking sharp.

11:43 – dance montage (likely the only clothes-on grinding moments we’ll see in this movie) moment

Tony award winner Ruben Santiago-Hudson spotted tempting Keanu to the big city (where he last met up with Uma and will be tempted further with the old “sex with your sister” offer in this movie). Too bad Ruby couldn’t be on the good guys side (not that we have a “good” side represented), but then he wouldn’t get any screen time. Still, this fabulous actor is thoroughly wasted playing guy standing to the left of Jeffrey Jones.

Saaaaaaataaaaan! or is it Paaaaciiinooooo!

You don’t really want to go back to Florida though, do you? But I’m wearing a toooooooopee & 2 inch heels. Why would you ever want to leave?

Delroy Lindo is Keanu’s first defendent. Yes, that’s right. Back-to-back Delroy. Does it get better? Well, yes, because this movie sucks.

“Are you the oracle?” – Carla

Instead of cutting her hair, I think Charlize (AKA academy Award winner Charlize Theron) should just take her fucking wig off. But what do I know, I liked the room the first fucking green color.

PCKPL: “So, you’re devil spawn too?”

12:36am – Nip

Oh. Yes. Oh. Yes. Oh yes. They both. Oh yes they both. Oh yes they both reached for. The gun. The gun. Oh yes they both reached for the gun. for the gun. What we really need is a good dose of Dobber. And less of this fucking tongue thing.

“What are you playing with?” You are playing with my uterus. Stop playing with my uterus.

This movie makes me feel like I’ve been overspelunked. (which I’m pretty sure is not even possible) He’s the son of the devil – he needs no cab, he just runs, runs, runs, runs, runs, runs, runs. Run! DevilSpawnBoy! Run!

1:20am – Sleepy sleep time. This movie has lasted too long as it is, and I can handle no more of Al’s weird tongue stuff. Good night.