Keanuthon

9:31am – We live on the edge! Of the river, man!

Already this movie feels so. Edgy, man!
NUNCHUK THIS! You stupid little doll!
Stop yelling, Leno!

So last evening, we partook in a magnum-sized bottle of beer. Our friend, Falzoné, did not know what a magnum was (potentially thinking “P.I.” or “Dirty Harry”), and I explained that a magnum is a size of bottle. Upon knowledge-dumping the name of a larger bottle named “nebuchadnezzar,” Matt thought I was just making up stuff, what with the ship in the Matrices being called by the same name. Well, take this Matt: Jeff was right

Did Matt ever say Jeff “wasn’t right?” “Did he?” No. He didn’t, but he did imply LBK was obsessed with CDH (Creepy Dennis Hopper) and the Matrix movies. In addition to calling a champagne bottle the nebuchawhatthefuckever, he also said the largest size was the “Dennis Hopper.” Try finding that on the internet, kids. Or adults. Really anyone with an internet connection or access to one could check this out.

However.

It would be a waste of time to look for this data on the internet (or anywhere else), because it is just a “crazy fucking story” of LBK’s. And he would have you (yes, you, dear reader – frequently he is talking directly to you) believe it was gospel. Or at least a psalm.

“Like it or not. Women are expected to have careers.” Another quote from not Keanu.

Is “GodDamnit!” Crispin Glover’s catchphrase? Like Martin Lawrence and “Damn!”?

So the little hood-rat hoodlum younger brother and his “delinquent” nunchuk friend are hanging around outside “being worthless” shooting crabs in a bucket.

We’ve had our first technical glitch. The DVD is maybe a little bit dirty, maybe a little bit rock-n-roll. Either way, it keeps jumping around and pixelating and being creepy — creepier than the movie? I don’t think so. Good thing we have a backup copy we rented from DJ’s. We could explain why, but it feels easier to leave something mysterious. Or at least confusing.

“I ate so much pussy in my day, my beard looked like a glazed doughnut.” — Feck (aka Dennis Hopper)

This movie is all about the little details that make me giggle — scenes like when the two delinquents kick open Feck door and raid his pot stash, saying “fucking shit.” How classic.

It is a disturbing movie when Dennis Hopper plays the voice of reason. While holding an inflatable doll. Or even when he isn’t holding the doll.

We have had the first invocation of Minnie Frome. We were being an idiot, like her mother. Although Jeff may be a bit more of an idiot, because he keeps saying “He’s a psycho” and then follows it with “I do like the amount of plaid in this movie” – that may not make him an idiot, but we all might begin to question his mental capacity. And he is only wearing his Keanuthong right now.

Everyone seems to be saying “GodDamnit!” a lot, not just Crispin, it could be the entire movie’s catchphrase.

You know, at the end, this movie really is quite sentimental and touching, in a fornicating with a corpse kind of way.