Keanuthon

12:42pm. Just to stick it to Matt, while he is asleep I am going to watch his favorite movie. No, ok, fine. Actually I will not be spiteful and vengeful. Instead I will fight fire with water, be the bigger man, and watch another movie that lacks a certain, je ne sais quoi. But I think that “quoi” is Keanu.

Then why do you receive him, Maman.
Everyone receives him.

Damn, that is sexy sexy sexy. Malkovich!

I also find myself begging for more Keanu in this movie. But I do like to beg.

The way MalkovichMalkovich says “I love you” makes me get the impression an intern was goosing him in an uncomfortable way on the set. What I am trying to say is – he does not seem to find, err, pleasure in saying the phrase. Not like he enjoys splashing the pot. And we all know how he loves a big pot.

It is though Pfeiffffffer is acting through a paper bag. I have no idea what that means, but it feels true. Almost as true as “I became fascinated by your poontang.”

Next year I think we should watch this and play that “Dangerous Minds” song whenever Pfeeeiffer is on screen.

Natwick!

This movie is being mocked by people who are not even in the room – and we aren’t even watching it in French this year.

Possible suggestions for the Dangerous Liaisions sequel title.
Dangerous Liaisions 2:

• Poontang’s Revenge
• Too Colon
• Pootie Call
• She Was Stuffing Her Envelope
• It’s That ‘Ho’ Uma Thurman’s Fault, The Uma Thurman Story with Dwight Shrute
• Tug My Ponytail
• Swoozie and Natwick
• Dangit! Don’t Tell Him I’m Fat!
• Less or More Keanu This Time, We Promise
• Leeches Revenge
• I’ll Come Up With Something
• I Am Going To Tell Your Mother
• Battle of the Pervs
• You Don’t Have to be Mean
• You Don’t Have to be Rich to be My Girl
• She’s a Rich Girl, But She’s Goin’ Too Far, ‘Cause She Knows it Don’t Matter Anyway
• Crappy the Horse’s Return
• ‘Yo’ ‘Ho’
• Cruise Control

Title Alert! Title Alert! WeeeehooooooweeeeeehooooooO! Title Alert on aisle 7!

Does Uma Thurman hate to have Keanu be in movies she is in? Where is that HoNKYCaT!

Keanu is everyone’s cheese doodle.

Cheese doodles are an essential component of everyone’s happiness – and I hope we all remember who is everyone’s cheese doodle.

Why is Pfeeeiffer calling Uma cortizone? Does she have an itch she needs scratched? Nudge, Nudge…

All this being beyond my control makes me feel like things are beyond my control and apparently like I am dirty. But when Malkovich says it, I feel so much better.

No doubt, the quality of this movie was “beyond [Malkovich’s] control.”