Keanuthon

8:46pm. The one that began it all — begin the begine!

GG is already commenting on the goofy sound effects. Little does she know (well, she does) the full scale goofiness she will have to endure if she watches the whole honking thing.

This whole fucker is about shiny clothes. I want shiny clothes! I want an ass like Trinity’s.

Too many hypotheticals have been written about the silly Matrix movies. We better make ours pretty darn good. Unfortunately we are likely doom to failure on this front, much as CNJ is likely doomed to fail in his quest for Ada Nicodemou and Matt will likely never get Belinda McClory to give him the time of day.

Neo has literally been down the rainy road, walking alone – without a crawdad sucker to, well, suck him.

Is that other pill a sleeping pill or a placebo – or is it the same as that other pill. Does Neo really have a choice? Do any of us? Oh! My! God! What if we are in the Matrix right now? Did I just blow my own mind?

Oh! Burn! Alice! Nice analogy. Otherwise we would not have seen the stupid metaphors and references for ourselves.

But! I love taxes. And bondage. I though this movie was all about bondage. At least I was under the inpression that one Wachowskeeeeiiieeee was all about bondage.

He made me say “please.” Nothing can kill a show like toooooooo much exposition. Do I say that every year?

We are attempting to come up with our Matrix names.
Meanwhile, back on the farm, Billy Drago is 1/8 Native American.
Wabbits we are hunting for wabbits! And making fun of speech impediments.

We have 3 names:
CNJ is Willis
Matt is Tootie
GG is Theo
Hazel is Weezy
Caitlin is Carlton
Falzone is Rerun (maybe)

I am tired of you cc-ing me about things that do not pertain to me.

GG’s top ten list. Top ten hottest black men.

1. Laurence Fishburne
2. Sidney Poitier
3. Djimon Hounsou
4. Denzel Washington
5. Jamie Foxx
6. Johnny Cash
7. Will Smith
8. Ben Harper
9. Leslie David Baker
10. Cuba Gooding, Jr.
11. Morgan Freeman
12. Samuel L. Jackson

Float like a butterfly – stings like your ass.

Burn! OoooH!

6:51pm. All this potential. All this crappy movie.

It started as a romantic comedy, but somehow went astray. John is troubled but I think he is really starting to open up. I mean he went to hell for her. I think you have to like somebody a lot to do that. “Dinner and an Exorcism” was the working title, but the decided to go with the Constantine one.

So here’s the thing about this story: I don’t get it. There is enough rigamarole about the blood of Christ and the son of Christ and the Spear of Destiny and all that, and then they throw in this stuff about twins, which I don’t understand, and there is this dude named “Midnight” which I can only assume is because he is dark-skinned, and he has a electric chair that was used at Tsing Tsing and the chair can get you into hell for a little bit, but only if you kill yourself on the chair with your feet in water, and afterwards you end up very hungry. Uh, what a nightmare of a plot. How am I supposed to keep this all straight?

Hypothetical: Who would you let beat your ass into pulp: wet-clothed Rachel Weisz from “Chain Reaction” or wet-clothed Racel Weisz from “Constantine”?

Hypothetical: You can marry Rachel Weisz, but every time you “make it” with her, she changes into a demon-possessed “second-coming” impregnated freak. Do you do it?

Submitted for all of our approval: Today is the worst day of programming of the ‘Thon ever. Still a great day, but not a day of our favorite movies.

Jen maintains, to the end, this is a romantic comedy; others say she may just be realizing and processing in her own manner how laughably bad it is. The third camp says it falls in between; right where the mediocre horse rides into the village of Crappytown (Crappy’s home) where that horse may need to be fed and watered until there is a sequel which will almost certainly hold as much promise – but will let us down.

5:56pm. We are refusing to watch this. Instead we are just turning the TV off and staring angrily at it, in protest of this “documentary”‘s utter crapitude.

5:22pm. Excellent documentary.

3:48pm. A brief flash of Keanu and we refuse to comment on this movie further.

2:14pm. Sometimes I get the blues, too. It is typically when I am watching this film.

This may be up/downgraded to the snoozer category.

Even cowgirls get to snooze. The book was less snoozy, and one can imagine the huge thumbs without having to see the horrible fellatiousness. Uma, Oprah, Oprah, Uma.

Good thing Crappy came for T’giving. We needed her.

This 3 thanksgiving thing might work out really well for us and the ‘Thon, but really, how could it not? It is 3 meals in 5 hours.

1:49pm. Jeff may like this guy from Prime, but this show is dumb.

I actually have a good idea for next year. This show & Mayor of Sunset Strip & Me & Will & Ellie Parker are lumped into a new category of snoozers. Not only are they boring and bad, but Keanu is hardly in them & they should be watched late at night when we are falling asleep. They probably have to be watched, but we shouldn’t actually take time to watch them.

The KT is actually on the road now, as we are driving to Seth and Tina’s house. Shooting to arrive at 2pm – we look like we might get there at 2:02pm. I hate is when we are late!

This Wii thing is pretty cool. We are watching a full-on tennis match, and it looks a whole hell of a lot easier than when we played tennis on the classic Nintendo and it was next to impossible to even get your character close to the right spot to be able to hit the ball. And then you had to have the timing right. It was almost as hard as playing real tennis. What fun is that? Games are supposed to be fantasy, to allow you to do things you cannot do in real life. And yet, I can play tennis in real life but not in fantasy land.

I never said I liked the guy from Prime, just that I recognized him from Prime.

He loves that Prime guy. We all know the truth.

12:08pm. The brotherhood strikes again. We have once again forgotten to think of a good “Top 10” topic for Falzoné. We will have to come up with one before the evening time, since as the vampire that he is, that is when he shows himself.

Also, let’s get a good hypothetical for this one. Something like… hypothetical: would you rather be Keanu’s dope-smoking little brother in BoJ or Keanu’s hoodlum little brother in “River’s Edge.” Nah, not sure that is such a great hypothetical.

Would you let either brother tie you up to an office chair, then dance around with you?

Is the rubric which explains all of Keanu’s work? Foreshadows all of his greatness? Portends all that any of us could be? Or is it just the Billy Zane in me talking?

“Protect your quarterback!” We had made a “plan” that consisted of only one rule and that was to watch football-related movies on Turkey-day (today). As it happens, this is a football-related movie, but we did not plan this one out. Fate has once again stepped in. On the other hand, we already watched “Point Break,” which is much more directly a football-related movie, what with the “young quarterback punk” Johnny Utah.

This music seems to have been written by someone inspired by crickets mating with a clock alarm.

Would Johhny Utah Jr. break up with Lori Loughlin if he knew he would be chasing her just 2 years later in “The Night Before”? Or is it all about the chase? Is this cat and mouse game one Keanu knew about all along?

“Pasty’s on the move” – much like we will be on the move for our KT-on-the-road-T’giving, except our “moving” will not involve our car being firebombed, hopefully.

Here is KT’s Thanksgiving plan: We will take Keanu on the road with us for not 1, not 2, but 3 Thanksgiving dinners. We will be watching a movie at every meal.

And we are off!

The f-word (fuck!) is used in a couple of these scenes. I am shocked!

10:52am. Well, we fell asleep last night, so we’re back at it again. Maybe this time the movie setup will make more sense to us.

Where are those midget asian prostitutes? Why were they not shipped overnight to us? Then the cost would have really been worth it. But instead we were left a little disappointed. And we all know how Caitlin loves small things.

We need to be watching for quotes. But we aren’t. Maybe we should even be listening for quotes.

CNJ is paying so little attention he has no clue where Sandra Bullock even lives. Or if they are even in Chicago any more. He actually has no clue. He has begun to just repeat lines of the movie, in an attempt to understand.

Now he is playing airviolin. I am worried. I hope he will rebound in the next movie.

Cait & CNJ are orepnly debating the realism of a sci-fi romance. I will force them both to eat lox the rest of t-giving if this doesn’t stop. Next this will turn into a “could Johnny Mnemonic ever really happen?” discussion. We all know it could. AnD iT WiLL!