Keanuthon

8:45am. The worst comic in the world pseudo-narrattes a story about alcoholics. Sweet.

CNJ’s best friend has arrived, he has a huge smile on his face – his boys will feel attended to.

Andy is making that “Face In The Crowd” shiteater grin a lot – was he drunk in that, too? For some reason I had never noticed Susan Rutan – Roxanne Melman from LA Law – was the teacher in this who had the gall to say the SallyJesse girl should do somehing with her art. Andy responds “Pam is doing fine being a receptionist!” with a slur.

Everyone seems to be addicted to something – could Provenza not be addicted to being an horrible comedian?

If I was talking to god, I would not let him have my bloody mary – especially is she was a little polynesian singing woman who like to happy talk.

I think one of the sisters (the older one) is being played by Val Kilmer.

This movie has a definite “Canadian feel” to it according to CNJ – I thikn he might just be saying how crappy he thinks it is. He just hates Paul Provenza and anything funny. He hates funny things. And joy. And Korean subtitles. And puppies. And babies. And ’80’s clothes. And Keanu’s Youngblood jacket.

It is just tough to believe Provenza as the voice of reason.

I always forget about the angst. All that troubled angst. That Tod!

Joyce Brothers got a “special thanks” credit for this movie. Maybe that was where Provenza got all of his stand-up material. She is the new Bruce Vilanch! (the way you tell them apart is she has less facial hair)

12:16am. Well I go walking, after midnight, under the moonlight… blah blah blah blah blah blah Debra Messing blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Jeff [Falzoné] went to sleep wondering if he would get a chance to thon it up later this very day…

We have a “drinking good” movie here, I think – and tomorrow with Under the Influence, we will get a “drinking bad” movie, I think. The only conclusion I could come to is that drinking is pretty good. But more of a problem than global warming – the jury is still out on that one.

10:39pm. Ah, the odd majesty that is this motion picture. Purple mountains.

falzoné is missing the thon…missing the thon…

pretty sure LBK & Matt are the only 2 people in the world who actually like this movie.

9:03pm. A whole knew world… that’s where I’ll be. A friendly place, a wondrous place, for you and me.

The ‘Thon may need some Piven, but it could never get enough Tilda.

Always exciting to add a new picture to the ‘Thon and everyone seems excited to get some fresh blood into the mix. This in no way implies we need a remake of Bam Stroker’s Dracula restarring Chuck Spidena as Mr. Harker aka Dusty Bottoms.

hypothetical: Would you rather have Tilda Swinton as the archangel Gabriel, who obviously has affection for you – but is still a little grumpy with you OR have Tilda Swinton as your mom, who obviously has affection for you – but is still a little grumpy with you?

7:03pm. Keanu leaves Lauren Graham because she wants him to meet her parents. Or talk to him. Or leave the lights on during…Women!

The Holy Keanuit is not limit by time or space (he also assumes that CNJ can delete this if necessary)...two things:

Number 1:

Kepler just fell asleep here at my house which limits the chances of me coming to at most 22% and more realistically about 8%. Nej could call and make a decision that would lead to an asleep-kepi-drop-off-in-Talent, which would let me make a later arrival to Keanu’s Thong, but I doubt it.

Number 2:

In that klog from the documentary I can’t help but wish that the distinction was made between the two Jeff’s in the part in which CNJJEFF mentions that God created such a perfect Earth that we little humans can’t harm it. The other White Jeff isn’t sure how much it ultimately matters that we break Earth, but can’t help but wonder what effect thousands upon thousands of factories have upon the earth that make, burn, synthesize and bubble strange substances, when he has seen, repeatedly what effect his flatulence has on a lit match. On the other hand, the former white Jeff was probably joking, you know, pulling a Keanu.

Number :D
We all know, in reality, the earth will sort itself out. Not that there is anything wrong with it. If this does not occur before Jesus returns, all the saved souls will ascend and leave the unenlightened fools to enjoy their eternal damnation anyway. And bubble wrap is very important in all of our lives. Also I try not to pull my Keanu during the ‘Thon – I am trying to avoid injuries.

Put a fake nose on and win an Oscar. I am wearing a fake nose, right now.

The only reason to name a kid Abner is if you want him to get beaten up while wearing his HyperColorGenerra pants. Or hope he will invent baseball.

Current ‘Thon attendance is 8 – our highest viewing audience ever. If Falzoné makes it we would, well, have another person here.

Does she have the vegan sausage or the Colombo? Does Colombo make a vegan sausage? Is she a vegan or a virgin?

We are worried we had a meeting with Edgar Price last Friday and we missed it. We have seen monkeyshit fights at the zoo that were more organized than our scheduling.

Brand new Keanu. All over town for the biggest Thanksgiving movie we could ever plan. Well, the biggest Keanu Thanksgiving movie we have.

5:20pm. Let the games begin. Let all their balls be hard.

Keanu just got everyone to get along by telling them to be nice to each other. It worked! Like magic. We should get the word out about his technique.

We are having discussions about whether or not Keanu looks better in just a towel or sans towel (as the French say) – the current votes are swinging towards sans towel.

CNJ seems most contented when talking about GG over her head. That seems disingenuous and just plain rude, but he could talk like that forever.

Some of us are afraid of too much emotion in our Keanuthon, others of us are not afraid of an emotion in our KT. The camps seem to be evenly divided, but worry not, dear readers, this issue is not as divisive as towelgate – I can still sense your worry over that debacle.

The Keanu can make any beverage palatable.

5:00pm. This is a pretty good “making of,” but it ain’t as good as the one with Clifford Franklin. Clifford Franklin has yet to tap the potential of Clifford Franklin when it comes to hosting “making of” thingamajigs.

Beth’s friend Wendy helped us conceive a brilliant new idea — she asked if we had some kind of safe so that we may keep the movie collection under lock and key. We took that a step further to decide that we need a silver briefcase that Matt can wear handcuffed to his wrist at all times. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. One problem is the size the briefcase would need to be would make movement prohibitive, but Matt doesn’t leave the house much anyway.

4:11pm. Apparently, Keanu is a dashing, yet enigmatic guy. Who woulda thunk?

Falzoné departed a shot while ago and gave his chances of return at 48%-61% or “basically a coin toss” – we all agree he should keep tossing that coin ‘til it comes up “Keanu” (not to be confused with drinking a “Keanu” – which involves less coin and more cheap tequila).

Hollywood hobo.

This kind of sucks – but we do get a little actual Keanu. There is some redemption.

Think of all the cool shirts he got to wear as Hamlet. Probably worth playing for the wardrobe alone. So was the Prince of Pennsylvania.

He who laughs last laughs after other people have stopped laughing.

3:23pm. I think this is the one where we figure out what this Matrix thing really is.

What is so “great” about this warming anyway — frankly I am not very impressed or excited about it. I like my Hummer (and giving them). No way I would ever sell it (for less than $50 a “pop”).

Jeff is showering — he thinks “Global Warming” is “hooey” and “liberal propoganda” — he might have a point. We definitely could use a lot more study on this hoax.

According to this, Mavis’ flatulence is causing most of the global warming problems. This “documentary” may have some real credibility issues.

I would probably pay attention to this documentary if it came from a creditable source… like Al Gore or George Bush.

So I need to take this time to talk about “The Replacements.” We klogged none at all last night, because we always become so enthralled with the magic of the movie. We become engrossed in the characters and the plot and how funny the cheese is. There are so many wonderful lines and cheesy stereotypes and predictable plot “twists.” Some might say this is one bad movie, but I say it is one badd movie, if you know what I mean.

The battle will occur in our driveway – yes, yours and mine. Get your shiv ready, this could bet ugly.

Apparently we are trying to have our SUV cake and eat it, too. Is that like what Keanu does with Carrie-Anne & Monica?

Hypothetical: Would you rather live in a dried-crap house with none of the effects of global warming and be married to Julia “Butterfly” Hill… or live in a mansion in Vail and drive a Hummer and be married to Colin Farrell, but that whole earth burns thing still happens?

2:42pm. One of the few biographies about Keanu that is not total crappy the horse crap.

A man just said, “Keanu had something to express through this form” and he’s talking about Keanu’s early Shakespeare work. This is a hard program for me to watch. Director after director talks about how stunned they were by his talent. This doesn’t feel normal to me.

But is there anything normal about Keanu? Or is everything stunning?

Pretty much everything about Keanu is “amazing” or “fabulous.” Glad to hear we are getting an even-handed viewpoint.

Yesterday, apparently and unbeknownst to everyone else, they had something special – but today, nothing more. The magic is gone?