Keanuthon

1:00pm. Even knowing that this is the second film, I am still unsure as I watch it which it actually is. We settled on this movie as the one for me to watch as Matt goes to run an errand. He originally suggested “Cowgirls,” as I’m pretty sure he hates me. Finally we settled on this one, even though post-starting, Matt tells me this is probably his favorite Matrix (not that that is saying too much, but it is something).

Hypothetical (in honor of Falzoné): Choose one: Eat the ass-end of a dead rhino, or be forced (“A Clockwork Orange”-style) to watch the third Matrix once a day every day for the rest of your life.

Really I must say this every time that I see this damn movie, but why does he have to be wearing that stupid-looking black trench coat kimono thing? That isn’t manly. It makes him look like a little sissy-girl. He should look like a manly man.

It is a difficult life Neo leads, getting to have his cake (Carrie-Anne Moss) and eat it, too (Monica Bellucci).

Why does he keep mentioning these so-called predecessors? Who is he talking about? What does he mean?

The Zabar’s has arrived! We once again have reason to live.

That guy standing on the hood of the moving car has really good balance. I’m quite impressed. It is almost as if he were a machine, or maybe a software program.

Here we go… the stupidest monologue/dialogue ever conceived, written, spoken, filmed and watched in the history of storytelling.

Oh dear, it has finished and I don’t even understand what happened. Hopefully the internet can explain it to me. If only there were a massive resource of useless data.

10:57am. Matt is trying a new torture technique that might be approved by the Genevais people. The technique involves having me watch some of the worst movies ever made. In fact, the only redeeming quality to the movies is that Keanu is in them. But still they are torture. I’ll tell him where Osama is. I’ll let him know how the Iranians’ nuclear program is progressing. I’ll spill my guts about Kim Jong Il’s plans for world domination. Anything, just please make this stop… and it has only just begun.

I must admit, I was distracted a bit from the Dracül. I found a video of an Australian researcher playing air guitar with a t-shirt he developed that translates the wearer’s arm movements into guitar sounds. It looked, well, fun?

Ah, Tom Waits. Need I say more?

I am a prisoner, trapped by the movie and by Mavis (the one-eyed pug on my lap). I need some way to break free. I want to break free. I’ve got to break free. Break free from your lies, you’re so self satisfied I don’t need you.

What is it with bigger-than-life creepy moves? And why does Keanu agree to be in them? I know he has more sense than this. He just loves to work. He’s a work-a-holic. He’ll do anything. We’ve got proof.

Gary Oldman gets so grumpy when you cut off the bloodvomitters head.

And now Dusty is questioning the Jackman. Or is it the other way around?

“I was impotent with fear” – Dusty

The “Pure Adrenaline” edition of “Point Break” just arrived, and I have been obsessively consuming the extra material partially as a way to distract myself from the movie and partially to, well, I really don’t like this movie. What I found was some interesting tidbits of information:

• Matthew Broderick and Charlie Sheen were originally to play the Johnny Utah and Bodhi roles.
• The movie was originally titled “Johnny Utah”
• The name was then changed to “Riders On The Storm”
• A wave breaks when it reaches a water depth of 1.25 times its height
• Patrick Swayze has broken an ankle, four ribs, and all ten fingers (not during the filming of “Point Break”, but in general, though he did break four ribs during the filming)
• Swayze and Reeves were taught to surf by Dennis Jarvis on the beaches of Kauai, which Keanu says was “a heavy place to start.”

Matt has shot down my brilliant concept of an Uma Thermathon, saying he would have to gauge his eyes out. Bah! I don’t get it.

I don’t know what exactly I have done to deserve the attention this little dog is giving me. My only guess is that she must be attracted to my scent — my “I haven’t changed clothes in the last three days” scent.

I’m starting to believe we need to turn off this movie — it is upsetting Mavis. And frankly, it is upsetting me, too. I can’t be happy unless Mavis is happy. How have our souls become so intwixed?

9:22am. Hearing the the beck, the call of the Falzoné the ‘Thon sleeps no more. Thanks for the beck – the ‘thon really needed it.

Jeff called this both horrible and really, really horrible.
That seems like a fair estimate – and I am only 2 minutes into it.

This was a restart because I was cruel enough to encourage Jeff & Caitlin to begin it even though I was asleep.

I am torn.
I am concerned if I klog too much I will miss Keanu/Dogstar. But if I klog/think about other stuff/wake up Jeff and make him watch, I will not have to watch the movie. I am attempting not to prejudge, but it does seem to have a very low Keanu quotient, if you get my drift.

I am assuming it is the band in the movie, unless he is playing a character named “Dogstar,” which would be… weird. Although he was fabulous as fan fave Ortiz the Dogboy.

Although this should be quirky and funny (I think), instead it feels like this movie is boring a hole into my head. I am trying not to take this personally, but it is getting a wee bit difficult.

“Maybe I should set myself on fire,” Ellie says. She took the words right out of my brain – now I sense someone else knows how this movie is making me feel.

Here it is. The appearance. Actual “dialogue” was exchanged. Almost enough to redeem the movie. And they are talking about Keanu. Almost enough to redeem the movie. Until she ran away after doing a bad spit take.

Goateed Chevy Chase is attempting to make the pain go away.

I think we could make a better movie carting around my laptop and a webcam. At least the plot could be more interesting, and the cinematography would be roughly equal. I imagine we could win some points with our novel approach to film making (whatever that might be).

They say her name an awful lot in this movie: “Ellie Parker” “Ellie Parker”. I think it is so you remember the name so that when you go to the video store you can ask for it by name… to be removed from existence.

Ellie talks about being sad and angry and like she wants to die — I can only imagine she is talking about the feeling she gets when she watches her own movie.

Ellie just had her first sexually encounter with a gay man. It was romantic.

There is a one-eyed pug named Mavis snoring as she sleeps on my lap. Occassionally she wakes up and barks at Ellie Parker. She’s a smart dog.

This movie makes me feel like I vommitted — not like I have to vommit, but like I already have.

I curse at the internet for its accuracy. If only IMDB had left this movie off of the list of movies Keanu has been in. Why, why, why must it be such a complete list? Curses.

8:59am – wake up, wake up, wake up….

2:18am. Seems day number 2 is re-beginning again. We’ve got a new one here, and all we really know about it is that Dogstar is in it.

12:08am. “I’m so hungry I could eat the ass-end of a dead rhino.”

I know that is not a quote from this move. In fact it is a quote from “Point Break,” but it is a mighty fine quote at that.

Matt is asleep. I think he must not like this movie. Pretty much as soon as it started, he passed out. And now he is snoring. He mustn’t like this movie at all.

2:08am. That’s the end of that, and the end of day number 2.

9:51pm. We start.
9:55pm. We restart. Everyone complains. the 1st restart in KT history.
We needed a little more of the Big K. The SuperK. Are we talkng about Kaiwen?

Our first introduction to Johnny Utah
“You’re a real blue flame special, arent you son? Young, dumb and full of cum.”

10:18pm. Does anybody know if the beautiful boy has any other movies under his belt since this masterpiece? Travis…Please…please?

10:21pm. Keanu Reeves is eligible for U.S. citizenship through his American father and British citizenship through his English mother. Who knew that. I did. Matt has said 34 angry things to me so far. I’m going to ask him an innocent question right now and see if his response makes 35. For the record: his angry responses are almost always immediately followed with loving kindness. I will ask him… “Matt, what time did you start this morning?”

His response, “look at the Klog… it was late… and you didn’t call!” PERFECT. first response was nice… but then he blames… but then, loving kindness with… I can’t remember what he said, but he said the nicest thing immedately after the blaming comment… Patrick S. looks like he is on “The Lost Boys” at this point in the flick.

Although this may not seem to pertain to Point Break…

I was shocked to see that Anthony from the Chili Peppers is in this thing…

10:45pm. “Bodi believes that the fifty year storm is happening this year.”

I just learned something from the other White Jeff: everybody has demons. Jeff says that is why Patrick knew that K. had demons. I think he’s very right. And I thank him.

I thank him for all we know and will ever know.

That thing was amazing that you just put in my mouth…

11:36pm. “Do whatever they want, Terry. And I mean WHATEVER...”

9:46pm. We await Falzoné‘s arrival. He has still not arrived.

7:56pm. Matt says I have never stayed awake for this film, but I protest, doth I. Yes, I doth. But I do like it regardless of status of awakedness. Does it seem like I am the only one klogging? Or working on the site? Or doing anything productive at all? Yes. The answer is YES!

Why judge who klogs more than whom?

‘Tis Matt and Matt shall klog more than all others.

For some reason, Matt believes he has klogged more than Jeff, but Jeff does not necessarily feel the same way. And now, right in the middle of all of this controversy, Matt and Caitlin sneak off presumably to discuss who has klogged more. Jeff doesn’t see how being out of the confines of the ‘Thon will help with the argument, but Jeff understands how stubborn Matt can be.

The one who wisely questions passing judgment on the klogging apparently does not want me to reveal that he is attempting to edit this klog. Personally, I feel I have well-klogged.

If I had a million dollars, I’d buy a prosthetic forehead to wear on my real head.

I just became friends with Caitlin on Facebook. It asked how we know each other, and I said we hooked up in 1991 and it was awesome!!! The funniest thing about this is that they would even have that as an option (granted the “awesome!!!” was my doing, but still).

So here’s the sad thing: this is the least amount of the movie I have seen in the last three years, and I have been fully awake for the entirety of the film. I just haven’t been paying attention. The ‘Thon is different this year — less attention, more… something else.

5:50pm. Matt has seen this movie at least three times in the theater as an 11-year-old kid. His mom would drop him off at the cinema to watch it by himself. And we question why he turned out the way that he did. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

When you’re sliding into first and you feel something burst.
When you’re sliding into third and you laid a juicy terd.
When you’re sliding into home and your pants are full of foam.
When you’re sitting in your Chevy and your feeling something heavy.
Diarrhea

Crappy gets a new coat. It is a new episode. Watch Crappy run.

Jeff has decided to take an early evening nap – what this means for the later this evening or the days to come, who knows? Maybe he needs to sleep every 6 hours to regenerate. Maybe he is getting old, but he is younger than Matt – so I worry. I am comforted, but still troubled.

Sometimes you know when you wake up form your nap and you are deeply shocked to find that you are all alone (save for mom) in the cruel dark world with no one but Steve Martin and Mom to comfort you and nothing but the thoughts of absent loved ones to keep you going? You know. Huh?

I just got back up from mom that Matt has in fact been in the bathroom all day (this is apparently where he is now, while I am slaving away watching movies). I don’t know exactly how this relationship is supposed to go, but I’ve been in the living room all day watching Keanu Reeves’ movies, while Matt meanwhile has been sleeping and showering and napping and pooping. Does that seem fair?

But what does fairness really mean? Cannot a man or a woman or an animal of undistinguished and undefined sex/origin not be allowed to poop on his/her/its time without someone wondering where he is or if he is doing #1? If you cut this said thing does it not bleed? If you feed it a high fibre (or even fiber) diet, will it not need to poop? Will you allow it?

Gary, I’m disappointed in you. I thought by now with all of the effort I have put in, that you would know how to appropriately break into someone’s office and cover your tracks. I am very disappointed. Very disappointed.

(the speech Leaf’s mom should have given him)

They’ll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.

We are drinking as many stations as we possibly can.

That’s it.